My Big Fat Indian Wedding

As you read this, please remember that this is all from my perspective and from what I’ve experienced. The thing to understand about the Indian culture is that there are variations to almost everything you do and celebrate based on what region of India you’re from, what town your family grew up in, and what familial traditions were passed down over the years.

The Indian wedding celebration is just that…a true celebration. It can last anywhere from two days to four or five. There’s lots of dancing, singing, praying, laughing, eating, etc. I’m going to break down the components based on what we did for our wedding. 

Pre-Wedding Rituals

The main wedding ceremony was preceded by two major events. The first one was the engagement ceremony. The engagement ceremony took place a few weeks before the wedding.  It was a date chosen by the elders of the family after consultation with the priest. As compared to the wedding, this was a small affair which was attended mostly by close family members and friends of Ashan and mine. During this ceremony, we exchanged wedding rings. It was followed by exchange of sweets between them as well as the members of our families. The occasion concludes with music, dance and loads of fun.

The other major even took place two days before the wedding.  It was called the Mehendi.

Two Days Before the Wedding

So two days before the wedding, we held a mehndhi (aka henna) night.  My family and the groom’s family each held our own night of dancing, singing, eating, and mehndhi. Think of mehndhi as a temporary tattoo of sorts. The bride and all of her female family and friends get it done as a way to adorn their hands, arms, and usually just the bride does her feet.

Ashan is not a huge fan of this stuff. He says it creeps him out.  I’ve been waiting my whole life for bridal Mehndhi…I went all out and he ended up loving it!!! 

One Day Before the Wedding

 

The morning before the wedding my parents had a series of poojas (prayer events) at our house for me.  They were held throughout the morning and early afternoon, and different family members performed different parts of each. For one of the ceremonies, a haldi, the women of the family put a yellow paste all over my exposed skin. 

The haldi paste is made from turmeric, rose water, and sandalwood powder. It is gooey and cold but smells strong and pungent, yet refreshing.  The paste was put on five places: the feet, knees, arms, hands, face. I am not sure why those five places and why start from the feet going up but that’s how it goes.The whole point was to bless and purify the bride for the next chapter in my life.  From this point until the time of the wedding, Ashan and I could not see each nor did we leave the house.  Symbolism is a huge part of Indian weddings.

 

The night before the wedding both my family and Ashan’s family got together for a garba celebration (a traditional Gujarati dance). In actuality, garba holds a very spiritual significance and is celebrated right after Diwali.  But the thing to note here is that everyone came dressed in colorful outfits and were ready to dance. Personally, I see it as a way for both the bride and groom’s family and friends to get together and have fun. I’m really simplifying it, but in my eyes, that was the true purpose of it.  


The Day We’ve All Been Waiting For…

The main ceremony began with the arrival of the 'Baraat' which is a formal procession that includes friends, family members, and relatives of the groom . The members who joined the Baraat are called the 'Baraatis'. There is a lot of music, dance and enjoyment in this gathering.  My groom, dressed in a brocade coat, arrived in a flower-decked Mercedes — a modern-day maharaja.

When the Baraatis reach the beautifully decorated mandap (a mini pavilion where the actual wedding ceremony took place), my family (the bride's family) gave them a warm welcome. The groom was only allowed to enter the venue only after my mother performed a ritual called 'Aarti.' This is done by rotating a small holy earthen lamp in front of the groom. A sheet was put in front of Ashan so he couldn't see me arrive.  Next, the 'Jaimala' ceremony took place. I was led to the mandap by my maternal uncles.  Once I was in the mandap, the sheet was removed.  Here is where we finally got to see each other and exchange garlands. This ceremony signified that we accept one another as spouse and pledged to show mutual respect to each other throughout our lives. My parents then performed some more ceremonies.  This was called kanyadan or the giving away of the bride.  Once this ritual is over, the guests and relatives presented us with wedding gifts and congratulated us.

Then, comes the most important section of the wedding, where Ashan and I exchanged vows in front of God while chanting slokas (hymns) with the priest. After that, the 'Phera' or 'saat phere' ritual took place where a knot was tied with a part of my dress and Ashan's dress.  My favorite part of our wedding was the pheras (walking around the fire)! We did it seven times, and i truly felt that with each circle Ashan and I were becoming one. Its such an incredible feeling I just wish I could do it every year!   Each round or phera has its own significance. In the first three rounds, the groom follows the bride which signifies that the bride will take charge in the earlier part of their life and in the next four rounds the groom leads which means he would lead in the later part.

 

 

And finally, the bride and groom take seven steps together that represent the guiding principles of married life or Indian vows…

1. Respect for each other
2. Caring for each other
3. Patience with each other
4. Honesty and faithfulness to each other
5. Building a happy and strong family together6. Traveling the journey of life together with harmony and love
7. Remaining life-long friends

Annnnnnnnnnd…you’re done! WOOT! 

Oh, and by the way, you're not supposed to do ANY housework until all you wedding mendhi wears off!